She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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