plz talk dirty to me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
