And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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