Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
