Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
