yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
