I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
