You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
