How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
