Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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