My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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