Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
