I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I didn't notice because vodka
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
