Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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