At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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