Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
