And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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