My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
