worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
