i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
