I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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