grandma shit on top of the toilet
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
