trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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