I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Help. Why am I so naked?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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