Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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