Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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