TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
