I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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