dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
