I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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