If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
