Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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