One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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