Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
