can u get pink eye on your cock?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
