I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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