So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
