dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
