remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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