I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
