and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
