Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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