Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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