I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
