Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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