just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
