that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
