Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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