i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
