drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
