I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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