You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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