First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Randomize
