Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
