3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
