If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
