Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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