So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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