Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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