Umm I'm too high to move.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
