I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
