All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
