My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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